Going Where

Mental vs. Emotional--You and Your Brain Need Both!

Once more you find your balance. Emotions are not to be thought about. They are to be felt. Do not rush to your head to think about how you feel until you have felt. Do not become angry from the thought until the thought is complete. To truly feel, you must understand your being. To be clear in thought, you must be able to feel. Thought without feeling only clouds the vision. Feeling, without thought, is an empty feeling. They too are partners on the journey that you have chosen in this life. They are not to stop you or distract you, but to enhance you for fulfillment of your being.

            

Emotional intelligence has been a hot topic recently. It's taken scientists almost a century to figure out that intelligence might have an equally important partner called emotion. In actuality, most intelligence tests measure the language and reasoning functions of the dominant hemisphere in the brain. The other hemisphere regulates emotion. In actuality, each hemisphere handles what it does best with no competition from the other side. The two are joined by a structure called the corpus callosum that allows both sides to combine their efforts into a result that far exceeds what either would be alone.

            

How come my head and my heart, that is my emotions and my intellect, so often seem to be at odds with each other?

In actuality, what you are experiencing is how each side of your brain has a different way of being. The dominant side (for most of us, this is our left brain), loves to analyze everything. It breaks things down into little parts. Then it argues with itself about the logic involved that allowed it to take it apart in the first place. It loves the "step-by-step approach. In contrast, the minor side (usually the right hemisphere of the brain), sees the whole picture rather than the little parts. It has virtually no language. Thus, the world for the minor hemisphere is rich in the experiences of sounds, images, smells, skin sensations, and taste. The dominant side gives us the word “vanilla.” The minor side gives us the flavor of vanilla, the pleasantness, the warmth or cold of it, the feelings or memories it may invoke, a whole richness that far exceeds a few letters on a page or a few sounds turned into a mere word.

               

Challenge: The next time you drive your car at night, turn off the radio. Now, concentrate on driving without reading any signs. Clear your head of any verbal chatter. You are now experiencing your minor or right hemisphere's way of being. Next, focus your attention on where you are going. Read the signs along the way. Turn the radio on and concentrate on what is being said. You are now experiencing your dominant or left hemisphere's way of being. Yet, while you were focusing on the left, wasn't the right hemisphere still guiding your car safely down the road? Don't you need both to safely arrive at your destination?

            

Posted by Bernice Ross

Listening and Hearing

You can listen to words, but you hear intentions. So frequently we listen without hearing.  Everyone seeks to be heard, but few speak their truth eloquently enough so that people listen and they are truly heard.  The eloquence of truth is to speak from the heart and allow the words to rise and flow from the mouth. When they are spoken from the head, they drop and fall from the mouth. 

         

How many times have you been listening to your radio, stereo, television, or a conversation with another person and realized that you hadn't heard a single thing? Today we are overloaded with noise of every type and because we are overloaded, we simply don't listen. Or, if we listen, we certainly don't hear.

         

For those of us who live in cities, finding a quiet refuge away from the sounds and noises of civilization is something we seek but seldom experience. So off we go to the beach, the mountains, to a quiet resort for a relaxing time and what do we do?  We take our noise with us on the ski slopes, out on the water, or sitting by the pool. Our noise blocks out not only the sounds of nature, but what others say as well. No wonder we have so many communication problems. No wonder we pay therapists fortunes just so we feel we can feel heard. (And even in therapy,are you really heard or does the therapist just listen for their agenda rather than truly hearing you?)

         

Why is speaking from the heart preferable to speaking from the head?

In actuality, we need to combine both our hearts and our heads. We must use our head to be sound and logical, but wisdom comes from the heart. Without knowledge, without wisdom, without the combination, what we say will too often fall on deaf ears. 

               

Challenge: Next time someone says something that touches your deepest being, notice whether it was merely spoken from the heart, spoken from the head, or did it integrate both parts of your being?

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by Yvonne in Willowick, Ohio

Was Biden the Right Pick for Obama's VP?

In my post dated August 5, 2008, I noted that both Barack Obama and John McCain were born in the summer time, which is the "south" or emotional time of the year using the Native American Medicine Wheel. Scientific research supports the fact that people born in the summer have stronger, more resiliant nervous systems as compared to those born at other times of the year. Obama, however, rather than starting with home place on the Wheel in the emotional, seems to be using a more North (i.e. winter birth pattern) of being more thinking based. McCain, in contrast, is the "most emotional Senator in the Senate."

Obama's drop in the polls over the last few weeks has been surprising to many. Obama won the primaries by tapping into America's feelings. As I said in the earlier post, Americans have preferred to elect summer born or "emotionally" based Presidents for the last half century. Obama's shift to a more "nuanced" or intellectual approach appears to be costing him at the polls. The good news for the Democratic convention this week will be that it will be highly emotional and can perhaps turn around the current trends.

In terms of the VP spot, Joseph Biden was born in November or the "West" portion of the Native American Medicine Wheel. If Obama gets back on his message of hope and returns to a more emotional and inspiring approach, then Biden provides him with "forward" movement to the physical/knowledge part of the Wheel. Like Hillary Clinton who was also born in the West, Biden is highly experienced, very knowledgeable, and knows how to get things done.

On the other hand, if Obama continues to be based in the thinking or North part of the Wheel, then Biden can draw Obama into the the "think-do" pattern which creates poor results. This is bad enough when we do it in our own lives, but it can have profound ramifications when our country moves to this approach. (BTW, Bush's pattern is to start with the emotional, his home place on the Wheel and back into his beliefs for justification. This is the pattern he used to justify having the U.S. tak action in Iraq).

If Obama shifts back to emotion, then uses Biden's "experience" to formulate a plan, then they're back on track. Nevertheless, what seems to be missing from this equation is how they will tackle the spiritual/belief/community side of this equation. Success comes from using the emotional, physical, mental, and spirtual together. If you leave out any part of the equation, the results can be distrastroug.

Unlike the Clintons who polled constantly to monitor what the country/community was thinking on various issues, it's unclear to what extent Obama is listening to those outside his campaign. If he were listening to what the polling data said, he would have chosen a different "West" person, Hillary Clinton, for the VP spot. Fifty-six percent of the Democrats wanted her on the ticket.

Since the Democrats are having their convention during the "emotional" part of the year, look for this to be an emotionally powerful event. Since emotions are running high, don't be surprised if there are more than a few emotional outbursts. Given that America still seems to be focused on "feeling," this week should deliver plenty for everyone.

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by MarcN

Barack Obama and John McCain--Will the Most Emotional Senator Win the Presidency?

One of the key principles about the Native American Medicine Wheel is that forward motion yields positive outcomes and backward motion produces negative outcomes. In a previous post, dated February 8, 2008, I argued that we would probably elect a President who was born in the summer. The summer is associated with the emotional part of the Wheel (referred to as the "South.") The basis for making that prediction is that since 1988, all of our Presidents have been born in the summer including Bill Clinton. In 2008, we are still as a society, pursuing our feelings. Logic is not as important as honoring what we feel.

Even though Hillary Clinton was still the "presumptive" nominee at the time, given the emotional nature of our times today, it didn't seem likely that her message of "experience" would resonate with the American electorate. Clinton is born in the fall the "West" direction on the Wheel.  She has a masterful knowledge of the facts and can discuss them easily with no notes. This is what you would expect from a West person--knowledge or "knowing" is their key strength. HIllary emphasized her experience which is a West's person's greatest strength. The electorate, however, wanted to feel good and Obama's message of hope hit the right chord.

In contrast to Hillary Clinton, McCain and Obama are both in the South/Emotional part of the Wheel. What's interesting to note is that even though they both have emotions as their base strength, their demeanors and styles are quite different.

McCain is known as the most emotional Senator in the Senate. He trusts his gut and is unafraid to go against what others think. He makes decisions trusting his emotions first and then combines that with his experience, before making a plan. Because of this approach, he has gained a reputation as a maverick. His willingness to work with Democrats, often to his party's chagrin, demonstrates that he takes actions based upon his community as well. This is full forward motion on the Wheel.

Furthermore, those born in the summer have no challenge coping with emotional turmoil.  The scientific research shows that those born in the summer have calmer, more resilient nervous systems, as compared to those born at other times of the year. This may also help to explain how McCain was able to endure five years of torture that would have destroyed most people. McCain goes from his emotion and ties it to his experience. McCain's movement movement on the Wheel may at least partially account for  the "positive outcome" of his nomination.

Obama's approach is very different. He radiates a calm, even approach. The challenge for Obama in terms of the Wheel is that he appears to be taking a "North" approach to the campaign that emphasizes thinking rather than emotions. 

For example, after defeating Hillary Clinton, Obama began expanding his campaign support. Hillary's supporters were accustomed to in-fighting and confrontation. Any one who wanted to join the Obama campaign was told that the tenor of this campaign would not allow for internal disruptive behaviors. North individuals want to avoid confrontation. They prefer to approach things logically. Some of Obama's supporters have termed the former college professor, "the most thoughtful person in the Senate." Unlike McCain, Obama tends to trust his head rather than his gut. This is a serious problem for anyone who is born in the South/Summer since emotion is their strength.

Using the Wheel as a guideline, Obama would be better served by returning to his message of hope. People feel good when they hear Obama speak. He inspires them and helps them to feel that things will improve if he is elected. Remember, the American electorate is still feeling based. As Obama has shifted his message from hope to "citizen of the world" and "We are the ones that we have been waiting for," (this is moving to the East or community part of the Wheel and is backward movement), he has veered away from what took him to the nomination--tapping into America's feelings.

While the American public loves hope, they are also angry about gas prices and they have legitimate fears about an expanded conflict in the Middle East. Yesterday, Putin said that Russia should be back in Cuba. McCain will probably continue to play upon the emotions of anger and fear. His rise in the polls during the last week shows that tapping into American emotions is working for him.

Bill Clinton won the 1992 election by portraying himself as the "Man from Hope." The question for Obama is how he will meet the challenge--with thought which will probably cost him the election or with hope?

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by MarcN

Tires and Feet

Feet were given to us long before tires.  And when properly shod and cared for, do not need to be replaced, do not need to be repaired, can avoid potholes, go over uncharted ground, and never worry about traffic, gas, oil, or mechanics. So when you are truly on your path, remember your feet.

         

Funny how I've never had to worry about my feet.  My car, of course, is another story.  There are the payments, insurance, maintenance, gasoline, and a host of other things I must attend to if I expect it to do what my feet can do--which is to get me where I'm going. In fact, when I think about the number of cars I've had, how many sets of tires I've replaced, how these complicated, sophisticated man-made things have worn out so quickly or become obsolete, I also think of my feet. Every day they do the same simple thing: they take me where I want to go. 

Well, walk if you want, but don't you think that most people would rather drive?

When you are driving aren't you on a road that is traveled by many others?  In contrast, when you are on your path, every step, every action you take, is one you have chosen. The difference may be likened to traveling down a busy highway vs. charting your own individual course. 

                               

Challenge:  There's an old Chinese proverb that says, “A journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single step”.  Before you step out of bed tomorrow morning, ask yourself, “Where will my “feet” lead me today?  If I stay on this same path, where will I be 10,000 miles from now?”

          

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Eric Castro

Lessons In Life: Express Not Repress

Native Americans believe that the time of year in which your are born influences the energy that you will carry throughout life. If you are born in June, July, or August, you are born in the"South" on the Native American Medicine Wheel. The South represents the summer, the time to nourish your crops so that they may grow and reach their full potential. Individuals who are born in the summer months (South) are people of emotion. The South represents the emotional side of our being and our ability to nourish others. The key phrase for those born in the South is, “I feel.” For those born in the South, their heart is more important than their head.

    

While winter-borns are more likely to be mentally gifted and to experience brain/mental dysfunction, those born in the summer are more likely to experience learning disabilities as well as more likely to be born with Down Syndrome. While winter-borns have a mental edge, summer-borns are better adjusted emotionally. Several studies demonstrate that those born in the summer are less likely to be neurotic, are more open, and more extroverted than those born in the winter. They are more likely to believe in luck, have a more positive self perception, and to have better sense of psychological well-being. What’s particularly interesting is that this research actually links these differences to brain activity and neurotransmitters (i.e. brain chemicals). In fact, summer-borns may have a “quieter” nervous system than those born in the winter. Their autonomic nervous system (the part of our bodies that prepares us for emergencies as well as controlling heart rate, breathing, and other automatic functions) requires a stronger physical stimulus to trigger an emotional response. These differences were found to be true for both genders and in all age groups. Simply put, people born in the summer are better adjusted emotionally and don’t respond to stress as easily.

   

Each of these statements sets up what is known as a boundary. This can be done without anger or emotion. When it is said in a calm and cool voice, it normally gets people's attention more so than when you shout.

    

The lesson for those born in the South or summer, is "express not repress." It's common for summer born individuals to be comfortable with being emotional. Shouting matches often don't bother them. On the other hand, those born in the South can often hold back on their emotions and then they explode.

      

Last week I saw a perfect example of this. One of my family members likes to kid others. He is sometimes sarcastic. One of his cousins has tolerated this behavior for over 50 years. This was the year that his cousin ran out of patience. Instead of silently taking the kidding, the cousin came back with an equally sarcastic remark. The cousin was born in the South. The situation was so upsetting to him that he got up and left the event we were attending. When we went to see him later, his heart was bothering him and he was still extremely agitated.

      

For people who are born in the summer, if you repress or hold your feelings in you risk the equivalent of a volcanic explosion if you don't learn how to release the "steam" of your emotions. As in the example above, you end up causing more harm to yourself.

          

What would have been a better way to have handled the situation above? Ann Landers used to say, "Just remember when you consider fighting fire with fire, remember that the fire department uses water." A better approach would have been for this man's cousin to say, "What you're saying is hurtful. I would like you to stop now." or "Making fun of me and others hurts their feelings. If you cannot keep from making fun of me, then don't bother speaking to me at all."

      

Thus, for those born in the East, focus on expressing your emotions in a way that is not harmful to others. When someone hurts your feelings or crosses a boundary, you don't have to keep your feelings inside but you also don't need to blow up like a volcano. "Release the steam" by saying what you are experiencing, and if the other person is doing something you don't like, ask them to stop. If they don't, be willing to walk away or to stop spending time with that person. You'll be surprised at how much happier you'll be.

       

Posted by Bernice Ross

Photo by Flydime

Friends vs. Enemies

Friends are those who always agree with us, who always support us, and who never think we are wrong (at least to our face). Enemies, on the other hand, will disagree with us, come clean to our face, and care less whether we like it or not.

      
Usually when salespeople launch their careers, they start by soliciting their family and friends. This may lead to temporary success, but it's certainly not enough to sustain a career. Furthermore, a faulty product or a bad sales experience can turn your friend into an enemy. A very successful salesperson recently summed up the entire issue quite accurately: “When you are in sales, you soon run out of friends, but you can never run out of strangers.”
            
Are you suggesting that we should trust our enemies rather than relying on our friends?
      
Which person would you rather have with you on a deserted island? One who will give you little to think about, show you no passion, and give you little sense for living. This of course would be your friend. The other would instill within you a sense of purpose, challenge you to rise to your highest self, and would never be boring. So choose your friends carefully and embrace your enemies. One will inflict the wound and the other will lick the wound and you will never know which.

If you were alone on a deserted island, would you be alone with your friend or your enemy?
      
Challenge: Are you up for a really challenging challenge? Take three days and spend them totally alone--no phones, no television, no computer, no family, and no friendly contact. How would you fill your three days? Where and how would you spend your time? How friendly is the friend inside you or is there an enemy you cannot face alone?

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Mrlin

      

Life's Lessons: Loyalty vs. Betrayal

Native Americans believe that the time of year in which you are born influences the energy that you will carry throughout your life. If you are born in March, April, or May, you are born in the "East" on the Native American Medicine Wheel. This is the belief or spiritual component on the Wheel. In Native tradition, spring is the time you plant your crops. Planting a seed is an act of faith that the seed will grow. In the East, we are asked to look at our higher purpose in life, our relationship to our Creator, and how we make contributions to our community.

      

The research on Season of Birth reveals some interesting facts about those born in the spring time. While they do well in school, they are more likely to have physical problems ranging from heart disease, cancer, schizophrenia, and even anorexia. The scientists speculate that this results from the fact that women who are in the second trimester of their pregnancy during the winter months, are most likely to have the flu or other types of viral illnesses. This in turn, weakens the developing fetus leading to physical concerns later in life. While spring births may be more prone to certain types of physical problems (and remember, this is as a group and doesn't necessarily apply to a particular individual), belief and contribution are their strengths.

       

The primary lesson for those born in the East is Loyalty vs. Betrayal. Loyalty can be defined as "steadfast in allegiance; unwavering in devotion;  faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations; showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance, obligations, or to one's country. Loyalty is also the act of binding yourself intellectually and emotionally to a course of action.” In contrast, betrayal is defined as, “treachery, disloyalty; unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling; disappointing the hopes and expectations of; revealing or violating a confidence; to deceive, misguide, or corrupt; to lead astray; deceive.”

    

For those born in the East or Spring, their lesson is to be true to their own belief system. One of the most powerful illustrations of this point comes from the life of Albert Einstein. Einstein was a spring birth. He exemplified the best of the characteristics of the East—he was a pacifist and was committed to bringing peace to the world. When Nazi Germany began working on the atomic bomb, against his better judgment,

Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt recommending that America being development of atomic bombs. He never felt that the President would use the bomb against another country. Instead, it would be used for a bargaining tool. Truman made a different decision when he bombed decided to bomb Japan. Here's what Einstein said about that decision:

                                           

"I made one great mistake in my life when I signed the letter to President Roosevelt recommending that atom bombs be made."

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If your birthday is in March, April, or May, your lesson is to be true to yourself and to your personal beliefs. When you achieve this goal, you are in alignment with not only your beliefs, but with your higher purpose in life as well. On the other hand, if you violate a confidence, deceive others, or are disloyal, you are hurting yourself. Earl Nightingale, the famous author and motivational speaker, summed it up:

            

“When you seek to profit by deluding others, you only delude yourself.”

               

Posted by Bernice Ross, author of Going Where: Ancient Wisdom for People Today

Photo by Maveric2003

               

Offensive Walls and Defensive Walls

A defensive wall we tend to see as something to hide behind.  It keeps our opponents out, but we are the ones who are restricted in space for we are kept in.  Offensive walls are behind us, supporting us and giving us strength. 

“The best defense is a good offense”. Any serious sports fan knows this fundamental is the foundation upon which winning is built. And what exactly produces a strong offense?  Stepping out and acting rather than reacting. The quarterback who hides in back of his defensive line, will soon be sitting on the sidelines. In contrast, the quarterback who trusts that his offensive line is strong, will step out, pass the ball, score, and ultimately, dance in the end zone.

    

Using your sports analogy, I'm not particularly excited about getting tackled.

   

If your wall is fear, step in front of it and see the fear in light so that it can be understood.  If you wall is anger, step in front of it and allow the anger to again become understanding.  If the wall is hate, step in front of it, not to become hated, but to understand love. No matter what your wall is, when you hide behind it, you cannot see truth. When you stand in front of it, it can become your strength for it is in the light. And when you are in the light, you're are not hiding, you are not fearful, you are not angry, you are not hateful. For love is the truth of light and with love there can be no fear, no anger, and no hate. Come out from behind your wall and dance with your life.

    

Challenge:  The next time you confront an angry person or situation, instead of defensively defending your position, try offering the offensive offender love instead.

   

Posted By Bernice Ross

Photo by  | spoon |

Where's Your Integrity?

This morning Marilyn and I had a great discussion about integrity. She did two posts on her blog on this topic. Posts (1)  and (2)

The dictionary defines integrity as:

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness

One of my favorite definitions of integrity is, "It's what you do when no one else is looking."

A completely different definition that Marilyn discusses in her post is this: "The truth of the beliefs of the speaker, not the hearer."

One of the best illustrations of this concept comes from politics. Those who are passionate about their candidate, strongly believe in their personal integrity as well as that of the political candidate that they support. In fact, at a recent gathering at our house, the day before the Texas Democratic caucus, there was a heated debate between Hillary and Obama's supporters as to who would make the better President. Each of them was so busy arguing for their integrity and their beliefs, that they could not hear what the other person was saying.

Before we can judge the integrity of another person, we must understand the their belief system. What is in integrity for me may not be in integrity for someone else. Your integrity is tied to how well you follow your personal belief system.

Marilyn provided a powerful and somewhat disturbing example. If someone is a bank robber and this person sees nothing wrong with stealing money from others, then that person is acting on their integrity and is congruent. On the other hand, most of us believe that robbing banks is wrong because taking someone else's money is wrong. Nevertheless, some of these same people see nothing wrong with cheating on their taxes. It's OK to take from the government but not from the bank.

How can you spot if you are out of your personal integrity? A simple way to is to examine whether your road is straight and easy or is it filled with twists, turns, and obstacles? By that I mean, do you consistently follow a straight path in terms of your beliefs? You never waiver from them, no matter who you are with or what you are doing. If you change your beliefs or actions to fit various situations, then chances are that you are not holding true to your own integrity. Remember, it is what you believe that matters, not what someone else's standard is for you.

One of the greatest lessons that most of us face is taking responsibility for our actions. Our society is deep into the "blame game." It's someone else's fault that this happened to me. When we fail to take responsibility for what we create, we twist and wind around the lesson that we needed to learn. When we acknowledge our own roles in the creation of our lives and accept complete responsibility (easier said than done), then we are living in our integrity.

Ultimately, we are meant to live in harmony, to be in alignment with our higher purpose in life, and to experience love. Instead of cherry picking what's wrong with life and what's wrong with others, it's time we shifted our approach and focused on cherry picking what is right with us and the world we inhabit.

Posted by Bernice Ross and Marilyn Naylor

Photo by Mike Licht